Puberty sucks. And can we talk about the timing?! Why couldn’t it come when our brains are more developed and mature so we can be better equipped to handle the changes? That would be too easy though. The struggle of puberty is a right of passage. It’s a phase and something you just have to get through. But can’t we make it easier? Does it have to scar our insides as well as our outsides (I’m looking at you stretchmarks!)?
We Can Do Better
I think we can do better to prepare our girls and to help them through the transition. That’s not a call out to say you’re not doing a good job. If you’re reading this, then I know you’re doing an amazing job because I know you care. I’m talking about having real conversations about puberty that go beyond bras, periods, and reproduction. Let’s talk about sweaty armpits, razor burn, and the crippling self-doubt that starts to creep in when the teacher’s looking for volunteers to read out loud. And let’s talk about blood stains, cystic acne, and that funky smell that’s going on down there.
Talking about puberty is uncomfortable. It can be embarrassing and even gross. But if left to her own imagination and a Google search, just imagine the horror your daughter might be making up in her mind.
I’m Not Making This Up
I made up all kinds of crazy things about puberty and I believed them all. I told myself that I was the only girl with sweat stains on my t-shirts and I never let myself wear anything that might give them away. I had a drawer full of cute shirts that never saw the light of day. Actually, that’s not totally true. They were worn, just by my older sister and not by me.
All of this struggling in silence led me to be hyper-anxious. I panicked about everything. I thought everyone was looking at me and could see all of my fears written all over my face. I stopped speaking out in class. I stopped playing sports. I basically stopped participating in life, all because I didn’t know how to deal with puberty. This anxiety then led to depression and I almost called it quits. I barely made it out of puberty alive.
How Can You Support Your Anxious Girl?
Mental health is talked about a lot more today than it was back in my day and thankfully our girls have the resources needed to help manage anxiety and depression. But you have to know that it’s there. I recently had the chance to ask Dr. Karin Price from the Texas Children’s Hospital about the signs of anxiety and depression in puberty girls. Some behaviors you can look for are social isolation, avoiding social situations, and having more peer conflict than usual.
Dr. Price also gave me a couple of questions you can ask yourself: “1. Do the symptoms or behaviors you are concerned with seem to happen with more frequency, with more intensity, or last longer than they do for other same-age girls? It is much more important to measure your child’s symptoms in relation to other children in her peer group than to her previous behavior or symptoms because change is the norm during this developmental period. 2. Are the symptoms or behaviors you are concerned about interfering with your daughter’s ability to engage in all of the activities she needs or wants to do on a daily basis? Are they causing problems with schoolwork, family relationships, social functioning, or engagement in her typical daily activities?”
Seek Help
If you or your daughter are concerned about her level of anxiety and/or depression, please seek help. We can never know what is a big deal to another person, even if that person is our own daughter. My untreated anxiety and depression almost cost me my life, and while my mom eventually reached out to our family doctor, I wasn’t given the resources I needed to heal. While I am disappointed in the way the doctor handled my situation, I am grateful to still be here today and to show up as the person I needed when I was younger. And that’s why I call myself a puberty survivor turned puberty ally.
Period Survival for Your Anxious Girl
Periods can be super stressful for the anxious girl. Get a copy of the free Period Survival Kit Guide for the Anxious Girl. This guide will help you support your girl in managing her period anxiety. Click here to get access to your free guide.
Puberty?! Yeah, we’re going to talk about it.