I want to start a conversation around girl puberty, that I’m honestly a little afraid to bring up. It’s been on my mind for a long time though, and I think it matters too much to stay quiet about.
So here’s my question: Is it just me, or do girls seem to not feel safe being girls?
I might be projecting. I might be completely alone in this thinking. But I truly believe there is a deep fear felt by many adolescent girls as they move toward womanhood. And I don’t think we’re talking about it enough, if at all.
I lived this
I know this fear because I felt it myself. I couldn’t have told you at the time what was happening or why. I didn’t have the words for it, and I didn’t have anyone to ask. But looking back, I was terrified of becoming a woman. So terrified that I disassociated from myself. The disassociation was severe and long lasting. And it wasn’t even diagnosed until I was in my early 40’s.
That experience is the heart of Real Girl Puberty. It’s why I don’t just focus on the physical side of puberty, but shine a bright light on the emotional weight of it. The fear and confusion around what’s coming. The disconnection girls can feel from their own bodies during one of the most significant transitions of their lives.
I built Real Girl Puberty because I lived it, I see other girls living it today, and because I don’t want another girl to go through it alone.
The numbers are hard to ignore
Girls have long (probably) always struggled with their bodies during adolescence. Eating disorders have affected girls at high rates for decades, with the overall occurrence of eating disorders nearly doubling between 2000 and 2018, according to research published in Communications Medicine. Self-harm has also been a documented response to the distress of adolescence among girls.
And now, a newer trend. According to 2025 data from the UCLA Williams Institute, roughly 3.3% of high school students aged 13-17 identify as transgender1. Transgender identification increased by more than 400% between 2014 and 2023, according to CDC survey data. The majority of that increase is among those assigned female at birth2.
I’m not saying there’s a straight line between these things. The research doesn’t do that, and neither will I. But I am sitting with a question that I can’t shake. What is it about being a girl that feels so hard?
The fear, anxiety, and disassociation that I experienced during puberty is something I’ve just recently been able to talk about. It’s a complex topic and one that’s hard to discuss without putting blame somewhere. Because of the sensitivity of the transgender topic and the protective culture around our kids, I’m afraid that this conversation won’t really be able to happen. But helping girls feel safe is a part of the Real Girl Puberty mission.
The body as the site of the struggle
I’m not trying to make a political observation. I’m just trying to make sense of the trends that have impacted girls during the puberty years. Being uncomfortable, or even fearful, of being a woman feels like a piece of that puzzle to me. As much as I declared that I’d never be a “lady” and hated being called a young “woman,” I never stopped to think about why, at least not until I was officially a lady and well into my woman years.
I don’t know. What do you think?
These are the conversations happening inside Real Girl Puberty right now. Join us as a founding member at realgirlpuberty.com/
Puberty?! Yeah, we’re going to talk about it.